tenderness is mighty
When I was very young I became separated from my mom in a Home Depot type store. I remember the acute anxiety I felt the minute I discovered I was lost. This was not alleviated by the loud beeping noises of the indoor fork lifts, bright lights, and endless aisles of vacancy and lumber. Finally a kind person who saw me sniveling led me up to the front, an announcement was made over the loudspeaker, and I was happily returned to my mother. When she later inquired why I hadn't asked someone for help, I said it was because I knew it was a do-it-yourself store so I thought I had to figure it out on my own.
True to the adage, old habits die hard.
I perambulated through the teenage years and young adulthood struggling to find the answer to what I thought was the first big question of life, "What should I major in?" The answers to the inner struggles were even more elusive. After flailing around on my own I consulted a therapist who didn't have the answers, and then became a therapist who didn't have the answers. Now I think we are here to learn the answers for ourselves but not by ourselves. There is maybe nothing more comforting or helpful than when after recounting your story to a friend, you hear the reassuring response of, "Yes, I know. I have that stamp to Crazytown in my passport." Our stories are a way to find that uniquely common thread that links us to humanity. But that thread remains invisible if we hide in fear or shame and do not reach out to one another with our vulnerabilities. I saw it written somewhere that tenderness is mighty. I am choosing to believe it's true.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Reader Comments (7)
I think we are taught culturally to be strong and we come to think of strength as something we muscle through and force. We barge and bang and grip tightly. But the softening is where we find the most flexibility. The loosening of the the grip allows us to hang on longer. I agree that tenderness is mighty.
Thank you for this post and thank you for holding my hand and heart across hours and miles and letting me know that I am not alone. You have a tender and mighty heart Jennifer.
I shall choose to believe it's true too.
I spent almost all my life cultivating serious independence, the kind that had to put furniture together, even if it said that it needed two people (my reason was, well, what if I was the last person left on earth - I'd have to put it together myself then - because of course if I was the last person on earth, I would be very busy putting bookshelves together ;) Now, I am thinking that it was out of fear of being vulnerable, or out of fear that asking for help meant admitting I wasn't perfect or was weak .. and I am trying to change those old patterns. The thing I like to remember sometimes is that when I took the 7 Habits class, interdependence came after independence, so there is power in admitting that we all need each other.
xoxo
Love this post and love the photo ! that is great - Elizabeth , I too am the person putting together the furniture or will be soon as I am in transition and can see "put together bookshelves" in my future - but now that I know you already know how to do it maybe I can call you ! -- I do even more by myself to test myself but I think this is one reason why writing and telling and letting people see is important - letting down your guard to let people in ....so happy you shared this and your self ....
Your wonderful comments make me thing of Marge Piercy's poem Strong Women, recently sent to me by a beautiful friend.
"What comforts her is others loving
her equally for the strength and for the weakness
from which it issues, lightning from a cloud.
Lightning stuns. In rain, the clouds disperse.
Only water of connection remains,
flowing through us. Strong is what we make
each other. Until we are all strong together,
a strong woman is a woman strongly afraid."
Take a look at the whole poem if you can. xoxo
Jennifer,
I stumbled on your blog today (can’t remember where I started that landed me on your blog) and what a wonderful surprise. When I started to read “tenderness is mighty”, I knew I had recently read it ... but where? Then, I read the “about me” section, and saw your picture, then realized that we are soul sisters in Jenna’s ecourse, “In the word Cellar”.
It was such a delight to visit your blog today. Such beauty and truth. You do have a gift of writing and weaving together beautiful words. So glad we are on this journey of writing from our hearts together. I’ll look forward to visiting your blog again soon.
xoxo,
Eydie
Eydie: Welcome! Thank you for coming by and leaving such kind words. Your blog looks wonderful! I will look for you in The Word Cellar course.