bring to light

While planting summer roses

I came upon a rusted jar of majesty

buried in the earth.

Inside were drumbeat crushed longings 

of someone's wishes and wantings.

Whirling questions tumbled from within:

What is it I am meant to unearth?

What is it I have hidden away?

What is it that awakens me in the night 

to remind me of who I am?

I exhale silence:

that first impossible word

of one searching for the forgotten.

words of walt whitman

 ...re-examine all you have been told

in school, in church or in any book, and

dismiss whatever insults your own soul,

and your very flesh shall become a great poem,

and have the richest fluency, not only in its words,

but in the silent lines of its lips and face,

and between the lashes of your eyes,

and in every motion and joint of your body.

happy birthday dad

Jay Horsman *

My dad kept a photo album by his favorite chair in the living room. Unlike other family albums it was not kept in chronological order. In it were selected pictures particularly meaningful to him. There were shots of my brothers, sisters and me, my mother, grandchildren, his sisters, cousins and friends. But what filled most pages were the photographs of animals he had known. A lifetime compilation of dogs, horses and cows.

An avid outdoorsman, my father left "crowded" California for Wyoming in the 1940's to become a cattle rancher. Many years later I was born (the youngest of six) and soon our family moved to Arizona. He continued ranching in addition to cotton farming. He woke up before sunrise and his days were long. I've been told his lifelong love of horses was shared by his father and paternal grandfather, both who had passed on long before my time.

One day my aunt Gloria found herself in a pasture with my dad, several feet behind him. She turned and noticed a cranky bull walking up to her. Nervous, she called out, "Jay, what should I do here? He is BIG!" His reply, "Scratch him behind the ears, he likes that." It did the trick.

The days he spent at cattle auctions weren't his favorite and while our family was far from vegetarian, none of his cattle ever ended up on our dinner plates. When eventually I did become a vegetarian he supported me in my efforts without question.

My father experienced the loss of many loved ones, beginning with his parents at an early age. He wasn't religious but I think he'd allow me to say he found solace in nature. Though I'm not sure solace is even the right word. He came alive in nature, the way a plant perks up when watered. I think of him many times throughout a day. He is the centerpiece of my most tangible memories. From him I inherited my love of the outdoors, animals, art, music, and books. Probably my distaste for crowds too.

He also kept a poem in that photo album. I remembered it at the time of his passing, over twelve years ago, and removed it to be read at his funeral. 

The End is the Beginning

by Skinny Rowland

Old friends live on in my memory, as do the days of long ago,

And as I grow older and feebler, so do those memories grow.

The laughter and voices grow clearer, the faces seem to draw near.

And I know that I am again closer, to the ones I once held so dear.

Old friends have gone on before me, to a place where again we shall meet

When life has made its full circle, and our stay here on earth is complete.

Visions of heaven may differ, as to what each may have in his mind,

But I'm sure that God has arranged it, so it's what each expected to find.

So should a child be taken, don't feel he's been taken away.

He was just a part of another one's heaven, as he will be of yours one day.

Should the time come for a friend to leave you, and you feel that fate is unkind,

Just remember your heaven includes him, and you are not that far behind.

So weep if you will at misfortunes, as you smile when things go your way,

When you ask the Lord's help with your troubles,

remember the good when you pray.

For life here on earth is the schooling, and just a fraction at best

Of all ahead which awaits you, if you succeed in passing the test.

So love and be loved by many, make each person your friend,

For the life here on earth is short, and the real life begins at its end.

 * Portrait collage by Michelle Caplan

san francisco

  

 

    

  

Yep, it was wonderful! It was catching up with four girlfriends I've known since kindergarten and giggling through the night. It was meandering through the Ferry Building Marketplace with a rich soy cappuccino from Blue Bottle Coffee and selecting an assortment of dark chocolate bars to replenish our stash at home. It was a day trip to Napa-Sonoma for wine tasting in warm sunshine with the company of ancient redwood trees and a red tailed hawk. It was finding a cozy cafe near our hotel that became our communal kitchen. It was hours of solitude after the others had left, spent in Golden Gate Park where I roamed through the Japanese Tea Garden and said hello to the albino alligator at The California Academy of Sciences. In fortuitous happenstance I came upon a free outdoor symphony concert. I sat inside the music of Tchaikovsky and felt so splendidly alive.

a weekend getaway

I am nearly packed and ready to catch a morning plane to San Francisco. I'll be meeting four lifelong friends there to catch up, reminisce, explore and laugh until our faces and stomaches hurt. There may also be a trip to Napa Valley wedged in there somewhere. How I love times like these!

I'm learning to pack lightly and I think I'll make this trip with just a tote/purse and a backpack. Seems easy enough for a long weekend, but it required unprecedented planning on my part just the same.

Here are a few things I like to have with me for comfort when I travel:

A small notebook and two pens

A scented travel candle with matches

Blueberry Vanilla & Cashew Kind bars (an easy gluten free snack)

A kindle (easier than taking a stack of books)

A current New Yorker magazine, this time I'm taking Anthology magazine too

My camera, laptop, iPhone and earbuds

A few bags of tea, currently peppermint, in a small handmade daisy print drawstring pouch (a gift I cherish)

Inner Peace energy mist by Lotus Wei

A few stamps to send postcards (regrettably, I often stall at good intentions here)

A soft wool throw for the plane 

A small tube of L'Occitane Shea Butter Hand Cream

Water

Tic tacs

A good bar of dark chocolate

And a sleep mask to cover my eyes

What are your travel comforts?

Wishing you a weekend filled with giddy laughter...